Finding a BackBone of Loving/Kindness
by Gwynne Berry
In 2017 I was coaching my kids weekend ski racing program in Vermont. It was an incredibly icey day and I crashed, hitting my head on the ice. Instead of going inside to rest, I decided to stay out on the training course, which as it turns out, was a very bad idea. Within the hour I had two separate 12 year olds crash into me.
Gwynne backcountry skiing in Utah with family 5 years after her injury.
I’d had concussions before, and thought I knew the drill for recovery. But instead of getting better, I kept getting worse. Three months later I ended up in the hospital, unable to sit or speak. On top of that, I got a weird speech problem. At first, when my speech issues started I thought I was having a stroke – stuttering, sing-songy voice, and my speech was so slow. But thankfully it was not a stroke, just a weird side issue of my brain injury. As I regained my strength the stuttering subsided, and my voice decided to take a road trip. At first I sounded like I was czecholvakian, then French Canadian. Folks would actually speak French to me and I would have to say “Sorry, I just have the accent!” I have now landed in Ireland and have pretty much stayed here for the past 4 years. I have found that folks absolutely LOVE the Irish and will share their stories and travels with me, even after I explain that I am a native Vermonter and have never been to Ireland. I now have a nice list of places to visit someday. It is called Foreign Accent Syndrome — definitely a challenge, and an unexpected and rare (less than 100 cases worldwide) twist.
Throughout my journey of having a TBI, the list of barriers I have experienced is long. Dealing with insurance is a nightmare. Finding a neurologist/doctor that was open to all the strange aspects of my injury, and willing to help me in a compassionate way, was impossible! I can’t work anywhere where I have to be reliable to a schedule, as I never know when my strength will go, or headaches will be too bad, etc.
Gwynne and her husband, Tom, out on the lake, enjoying the outdoors!
Yet through all of this, my family and friends have been my backbone. They are what motivate me to move forward. They have been a driving force in my need to get back on my feet. I want to be a full and complete partner to my husband, and to fully participate in my children’s lives. When I can’t get out of bed because of pain, fatigue, or overstimulation, they are what drive me. It is what has gotten me back on my skis and relearning how to turn. It is still a work in progress, but I can go out and enjoy the outdoors again, which I am so thankful for.
“The slow movements and breathing techniques helped me heal in so many ways, helping to ease fatigue, change my mood, and even help me think more clearly.”
Three years into my injury, I discovered LoveYourBrain through my therapist. We had been working on breath work to help with my anxiety. She was also a yoga teacher, had read about LYB, and suggested I give it a try. I was able to attend a restorative yoga class and it changed everything for me. The slow movements and breathing techniques helped me heal in so many ways, helping to ease fatigue, change my mood, and even help me think more clearly.
Gwynne shucking corn at a LYB Retreat in Maine.
By 2020 I had made yoga and meditation a daily part of my life, and I felt this driving need to help in some way, and to connect with others that had a similar injury. I signed up to volunteer at a LYB retreat in Maine. It was my first solo trip and I was quite nervous if I was going to be able to hold up for the week. But there was nothing to fear once I got there. From the first second I was enveloped in this cocoon of love and acceptance. Having a brain injury is an incredibly lonely journey, and it has been amazing to connect with folks across the country, hear their stories, their struggles, and their successes. I left the camp with new friends, and a network of knowledge and support at my fingertips.
A group photo from the Maine LYB retreat Gwynne volunteered at in 2021.
LoveYourBrain and yoga have taught me to absorb a more patient self-loving/kindness approach. I have learned how to change my mindset to a more positive angle when struggling.
Having a yoga and meditation practice has taught me to be more fully present in my life. To BREATHE! To use breath as a tool to center my being when I am overwhelmed or in pain. That allows me to re-focus on my challenges in a more positive way.
In my healing process I have learned how important it is to be patient and kind to yourself. Brain injury is lonely, and healing is so slow. Improvements sometimes are microscopic, and it is easy to get depressed, and frustrated. To breathe and focus on some positives in your life, however small, I find to be so helpful.
The support system that LoveYourBrain provides is like a lifeline that I didn’t know I needed. When volunteering at a retreat, the smiles, understanding, and care from LYB organizers, counselors, volunteers is out of this world. It feels so special, because in the outside world no one gets it.
“The support system that LoveYourBrain provides is like a lifeline that I didn’t know I needed.”
Being a volunteer was so incredibly rewarding. I was in the kitchen and every single camper was so appreciative of the food that we prepared and to learn about nutrition. LOVE, compassion and knowledge is everywhere at camp, and in the online programs. It has really reinforced a feeling of “Okay, I’ve got this. I can keep going”.
Having a brain injury is hard. Recovery, it seems, is never ending. And to have this backbone of loving/kindness has helped my mental resilience and toughness in moving forward.
Interested in volunteering with LoveYourBrain? Learn more and apply today!
